Homage to my mentor Sharon Bower - Dec. 9, 1932 - April 9, 2023
Today, on July 12, 2023, I went to Sharon's former home at Stanford University for her memorial service.
Usually on a trip down to the peninsula I plan a lot of other things but today I just woke up relatively late at 11:00 am and left by 12:00 to get to the service at her home by 4:00 pm which I thought was a decent hour.
I had worked for Sharon since 2006. She was my teacher at Stanford University Extension Class on Asserting Yourself. Then I followed her to her other class on Painless Public Speaking. I took her up on her 1 hour private consultation and soon I was her teacher's assistant putting together her folder packets for her classes. The sheets were color coded so she could say, take out this color and the folders were full of activities and handouts.
When she retired she had a lot of personal archival activities she wanted to complete. We went through a whole basement of photo albums. I digitized many of them for her and we sent many to people she had met around the world.
She wanted all the addresses of the people she knew around the world digitized as well. So I did a huge excel database with maybe 1,000 names address and phone numbers that we referred to constantly for the next 17 years.
The database also enabled me to do mail merges and print out labels for Christmas Cards each year. Although in the last few years she was still having write letters for her but liked the expediency of text and email messages. My personal email account has more of her friends than mine in it.
What did I say at the Memorial?
I listened to really good music all the way down to Stanford and really did not think of anything to say. My Apple playlist was on shuffle so it was going from Chopin to Kanye to Vanessa Paradis it was a treasure trove.
I wasn't planning on saying anything, but when I heard others speak I wanted to expound on what they said - I think in some 12 step groups they call that cross talk and it is not allowed. ha ha.
I said that her granddaughter Elle had talked about her grandmother's (mema's) fingernails. I said how Sharon dressed up everyday that I knew her. She did not ever wear sweatpants. She would always wear a lovely outfit and have her hair done and fingernails and wear some jewelry. Just for me.
I would take her to a little place off of El Camino at California Street and park illegally on the sidewalk for her to get her hair done and next door her nails. Then I'd wait for her at Peets until she was done.
She was always very well put together and carried herself with so much dignity. That is something I would like to aspire to for myself.
Then I mentioned that her grandson Micah had mentioned that she kept in touch with childhood friends. I said if someone would die she would have me call around to get the phone number of the daughter so she could call or keep in touch with her.
Before I would go to Sharon's house I'd always call her from Trader Joes and ask her how many Birthday or Anniversary cards would you like me to bring today? She remember every one of those dates.
When Herb Cohen mentioned her publications and brought and showed them, Painless Public Speaking, The Assertive Advantage and Asserting Yourself (written with Gordon). I mentioned that there is a library resource called Worldcat.org where I showed Sharon that her books were in libraries all over the world.
I mentioned how I had worked for her but also was a client and she charged me double of what she paid me. She helped me write a speech that I gave to the American Library Association about Ten Years of Librarianship. We worked on it for three months. Not only the writing but the speech intonation.
After I gave that speech, I was approached by Neil Schuman the publisher to write a chapter in their book. The book, Staff Development Strategies that Work: Developing New Library Managers and Leaders. I wrote chapter 13, Professional Development through Associations Conferences, and Meetings.
Sharon also helped me write the chapter.
What I enjoyed the most was meeting Sharon's grandchildren and I feel like that finally gave me closure.
I had been seeing pictures of them ever since they were born and each time I met with Sharon she would give me updates on how each of them were doing in life - good or bad. She would worry for them or glow in their victories. I never had a grandmother present in my life - one in Mexico who was wonderful for sure, but I enjoyed that she shared their lives with me.
Micah greeted me right away. The triumph Stanford graduate of the grandchildren. He told me he is starting his own business and lives in San Francisco and where do I live? He has the moxie of someone who is already a billionaire. He looks the part, dresses the part, speaks the part and is intelligent and witty. I was touched by what he had to say about getting to know his grandmother better coming to Stanford and some personal stories where he almost cried.
Elle came up to me with a warm hug and a huge smile. I know she was her grandfather's favorite. All his passwords were Elle. Sharon also would always want to include so many more pictures of Elle in all the collages we made. Her smile is sincere and infectious. She has a job for the Forestry Department. I'm so glad her dreams came true. She has been a hiker and nature lover all her life. She doesn't belong in an office.
Ana and Nicholas I especially wanted to meet as they were both artists. Both lived far away and were the hardest to know, less talkative. However, I was so curious about their artwork. I talked to Nicholas first about his photography and then Ana came by and talked about her painting and they started talking about collaborating and thinking out the details.
After the memorial I sat with the two. I had had a glass of wine and got too chatty. I didn't ask Ana where she was living now but she had gone to the Pennsylvania or is it Pittsburgh Art Institute? A good one. I told her I had bought a painting recently with my tax refund check and it was $450 and the guy charged me $50 tax and I was upset about that. She said she had never thought about tax.
I asked her how she felt about selling her art and she said sometimes she feels like when something leaves she priced it too low or maybe shouldn't have sold it but most of the time it is ok.
Nicholas went to France this summer to study his photography and stayed in an international dorm. This fall he will go to NYU. I am so excited for him. He looks like an artist, like his cousin the artist.
I mentioned to him that I had been to the Ansel Adams show in San Francisco at the De Young Museum the week before and maybe they could go see it before they left. He said, well I saw some of his work in Paris. Then he started talking about his interesting laboratory work and how me manipulated the negatives the way photographers now use photoshop. He was very serious when he started talking about him. It was interesting.
Ana asked me what I was up to and I said the usual answer that I was taking care of my 90 year old mother and still had my place in San Francisco and would come there sometimes.
Then they probed a little deeper and asked well, what else do you do?
I said, well, I was working for your grandmother until last year and then I also finished a degree in film studies at San Francisco City College in 2022. I had worked on it casually for 7 years. I was better on the film history than the cinematography.
Like you Nicholas would have been great. I'm terrible with lenses and i called the i stops but i meant fstops and lighting. He was modest and said he didn't like taking a video making class.
Then Ana said, well, I guess you're off to a new stage in life then.
I hadn't thought about that.
It's true.
I need to move.
I need new goals.
Thanks for the goals that you helped me meet in my life Sharon.
link to Sharon's Obituary